Some might consider this post macabre. Some might consider it funny. For me, it is deadly serious. Not.
When I die, I don’t wish to be a burden to my love ones. So here are some suggestions on what to do:
- No need for a showing. Folks can visit me later when I’m in a little jar or box. Or you can take me around to go visiting folks.
- No need for embalming and expensive makeup. I’m dead so there’s no point in trying to make me look like I’m just sleeping. Just dress me in whatever clothes I have lying around, preferably clean clothes; I still have some minimal standards.
- No need for a nice coffin, get the cheapest you can find. Even a pine box is fine. At that point, comfort is not a concern and I couldn’t care less about what others think. Also, that coffin will be destroyed momentarily.
- Cremate me. I’ve already left the body and there is no need to purchase real estate (aka, a cemetery plot) for that body. So, just burn me.
- Put my ashes into an empty jar or box, whatever you have on hand; for example, peanut butter jar, cigar box, etc. If you use a non-airtight box, you might want to put me into a Ziploc bag to avoid accidental spillage. Double-bag me.
- Stick me on the mantle or in a cabinet until such time as you no longer require evidence of my past physical presence or are just doing spring cleaning.
- Or bury my ashes in the backyard. Toss my ashes into a lake or the ocean. If you are pressed for time, the toilet is fine. Make sure to flush twice.
There, was that so bad?